Habits That Don’t Hurt: Building Routines Without Burning Out

Have you ever decided, “This is it. New week. New me.”

Only to be completely burned out by Friday?

You’re not alone.

Many of us try to overhaul everything at once—and end up overwhelmed, discouraged, or just plain exhausted.

The truth is, routines shouldn’t feel like punishment. And habit-building doesn’t require willpower heroics. It requires compassion, curiosity—and a system that works with your brain, not against it.

In this post, I’m walking you through how I approach habits using BJ Fogg’s ABC model: Anchor, Behavior, Celebration. Plus, I’ll share real-life examples from my coaching work (and my own life) that show how powerful small changes can be.

What is a habit, really?

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a habit as “an acquired mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary.”

That means:

• It’s a behavior (an action in response to something)

• It’s acquired (learned, not born with)

• It’s mostly automatic (no brainpower needed)

This matters because:

1. We can choose how to act.

2. We can learn and unlearn behaviors.

3. We can make good behaviors automatic—and save precious energy.

Why Willpower Isn’t the Answer

Willpower sounds great in theory… until you try to rely on it all day.

Here’s a short list of things that chip away at your willpower:

• Getting out of bed when you’re tired

• Taking the dog out in the rain

• Holding back a snarky comment

• Navigating traffic

• Listening with patience after a long day

By dinner, you’re running on empty—and that’s when habits matter most. Automation is your friend here. If brushing your teeth is automatic, you don’t have to “choose” it each night. That’s the goal.

The ABCs of Habits

BJ Fogg’s model breaks it down like this:

A = Anchor

Tie your new habit to an existing one.

Example: Brushing your teeth → Flossing.

B = Behavior

Start tiny. Really tiny.

One stretch. One veggie. One deep breath. Flossing one tooth.

It builds momentum.

C = Celebration

Reinforce the behavior.

Smile at yourself. Say “nailed it.” Feel the win.

That’s what tells your brain to repeat it.

When You Want to Break a Habit

Let’s say you want to stop eating on the couch while watching TV.

You’ll need more than “just don’t.”

First, ask: What does this habit do for me?

• It feels like a reward after a long day.

• It stimulates me when the show is boring.

• It distracts me from boredom or sadness.

• It’s comforting, familiar, regulating.

These are valid needs.

If you want to stop the behavior, you’ll need a new way to meet those needs—or your brain will keep pushing for the snack.

My Guiding Principles for Habit Change

1. Add before you subtract.

   Don’t just take food away—add what you want to see more of.

   New veggies. New routines. New sources of comfort.

2. Start ridiculously small.

   Lay out workout clothes.

   Add a cucumber.

   Set your alarm 15 minutes earlier.

   Tiny changes are easier to repeat—and that’s how habits are born.

3. Identity is everything.

   At my neighborhood workout group, people don’t have to “perform.”

   Just showing up helps reinforce the identity of someone who moves their body regularly. If you keep showing up, the hesitation loses power. You start to believe the identity—and that’s what sticks.

And When You Get Knocked Off Track?

That’s life. Setbacks happen. The key is not perfection, but returning.

If the habit is woven into your identity, it’s easier to come back.

And if you want help figuring out where to start—or what’s getting in your way—I’m here.

📬 Join my newsletter for biweekly coaching insights.

📺 Watch the YouTube episode on this topic.

🗓️ Book a free call if you want help with a specific habit.

Talk soon!