What Held Me Together When Everything Fell Apart

There’s a difference between doing “wellness” and having wellness hold you when the bottom drops out.

Last week, I found myself in a whirlwind I couldn’t have imagined a month ago. I came home to Siberia expecting jet lag, unfamiliar food, and adjusting my routines without a gym. Instead, I found myself performing CPR and attending a funeral of someone I love dearly.

This is not the content I planned to make. I had ideas about travel wellness tips, adapting routines on vacation, clever hacks for sleep and movement. But in the face of deep grief and intensity, all of that felt… irrelevant.

And yet.

Looking back, I realize those routines I didn’t think mattered—those tiny daily anchors I built back home—were the things that held me. They didn’t stop the storm, but they kept me afloat.

I want to be very clear: I’m not here to present myself as a perfect role model. I’m not selling a miracle morning routine or pretending I drank green juice and meditated my way through CPR. I was a mess. I still am, a little.

But I did find myself waking up in the morning and moving my body, even just a little. I did stop and breathe before responding. I did find moments of mindfulness—not on a yoga mat, but sitting with my daughter, or in the car on the way to the cemetery.

And those things were not accidents. They were results of habits built over time, not for the hard times, but that quietly stepped up during them.

We often think of wellness as something we do when life is calm. But I believe wellness is actually built for the chaos. For the grief. For the nights when you can’t sleep and the mornings when you wake up to another impossible thing.

It’s not about perfection. It’s not about control. It’s about creating internal safety nets for when the external world collapses.

So if you’ve ever wondered whether the small habits matter, or if the effort is worth it, this is my answer: Yes.

Because when life shakes you to your core, you don’t rise to the occasion. You fall to the level of your systems.

And I am so, so glad I had some in place.

If you’re working on building your own—start small. Start messy. Start where you are. But start. And if you need support, I’m here.